that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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