i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I would fuck him just for his dog
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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