My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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