Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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