we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
