shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
