do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
