Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
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he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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