Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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