if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
