Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
