Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
