i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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