Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
