does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
