Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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