I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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