I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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