Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
