I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
