We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
