I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
