My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
