Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
