you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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