Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
