And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize