First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
