don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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