my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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