turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
