This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
