so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
