Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
