Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
