You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
420 ftw
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
