you didnt know i had herpes?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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