Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
