My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize