he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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