I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
