I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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