On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck me I smell like cheese
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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