I think I died a long time ago.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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