So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
