Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize