I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You've changed since you got that strap on
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
