Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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