Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
