i permit you to call me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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