i need an iv and a liver transplant
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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