I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
