If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
