i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
