he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
