Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
