I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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