Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
