i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
