So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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