I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Randomize
