I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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