Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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