You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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