I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
