I want to have your abortion
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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