this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You made out with two different species that night
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
